A Comatose Life

I hadn’t realized it before my diagnosis, but I was living my life in a comatose state. I was living, don’t get me wrong. But I was living in a loop I didn’t realize I was even stuck in. I had a routine…work, go home, make lists of things that I needed to do to change, start working on the changes (half-heartedly, though I didn’t know it at the time), and repeat. I went out with friends and created memories. I made a difference at work and in the lives of my friends and loved ones. But, I was living my life in a comatose state.

I knew I needed to change my body for the better. I needed to lose about 60 pounds. I vowed to start Weight Watchers again since it worked best for me. I decided I would put that off until Summer. I desired to get back into the shape I had once been. I was once a gym rat, working out 6 days a week, lifting heavier weights each week. I competed in the gym competitions to earn the most MEPs each week. I held the title for many, many weeks and relished in staying at the top. I used to run, and I desired to begin again so I could run with my son. Since he ran cross-country and track, I wanted so badly to be able to do something active with him. I finally got back into the gym with my son’s help. I was working out more regularly and had gotten up to almost 400 pounds on the leg press. Unfortunately, I fell and injured my knee. I worked to do what I could while I healed. By mid-May, I was feeling better and ready to get back at the gym once school let out for the summer.

I knew I needed to change in spiritual ways. I knew I needed to get back to attending Mass regularly. I knew my relationship with God was in desperate need of attention. I prayed, but it seemed it had gotten to be only when I needed something. I had gone through the hardest thing I could ever imagine with my son, and I prayed hard then for him to heal. (You will hear more about that journey later.) But I was still only leaning on God when I needed Him. I wasn’t fully in my relationship with Him.

I kept telling myself I needed to work on all the things I desired, and I planned out when to start. Life gets busy, and our best-laid plans shift. So, things kept getting put off. It took me longer than it should have to finish my Master’s degree in Educational Leadership. I was distracted by things in life and missed some important things, like creating a Senior ad for my son for his Senior yearbook and planning his graduation party at a good time so all his friends could celebrate with him before they went their separate ways for the Summer. I knew I needed to drink fewer sodas and alcohol, but I said, “Sometime soon.” I wanted to save money to take trips, but I still spent money when I shouldn’t or didn’t need to. I said again, “Sometime soon.” I wanted to type and publish the book I had written long ago. I said…you guessed it…”Sometime soon.” And as you all know from my first post, I desperately wanted to meet my person…to fall deeply in love and be loved deeply in return.

I think, deep down, I knew I was not living my best life. But I couldn’t wake myself up enough to escape the loop I was in. I never imagined that what would wake me up would be the most life-altering and scariest thing I have ever been through.

I was dog-sitting for my brother in Savannah, and my son planned to come down later in the week to join me. I was by myself, so I didn’t plan to do a lot. I didn’t think I wanted to go to the beach alone, but maybe I would go check out the neighborhood pool. I finished grad school assignments and prepared for the last test I would take to earn my Master’s degree. I noticed I was napping more, but I chalked it up to going to bed late and getting up earlier. By the time my son came down, I noticed I was not very hungry and was having to make myself eat. We decided to go to Tybee Island. I was excited to go, sit on the beach awhile, and enjoy the cool ocean water. We arrived on the island, parked, and unloaded the car. Man, it was super hot! We split up items to carry and headed for the sand. I had to stop a few times to catch my breath. I kept thinking I was more out of shape than I thought and really needed to focus on weight loss and strength training when I got home. We didn’t last long on the beach, as it was so hot. We were both uncomfortable with the heat, but I felt almost like I had a hangover. We decided to go to Hilton Head Island the next day, my birthday.

Hilton Head Island was the same, maybe even a little worse. I began to think maybe my new blood pressure medication was causing some issues, my thyroid was off, or maybe it was the GLP-1 I had recently started. I decided that when I got back home, I would make an appointment to see my doctor to figure out what was going on. My son drove most of the way home, and I slept. Once we got home, I noticed that I was still exhausted. Climbing the stairs of my townhouse proved a challenge. My heart would race, and I would be out of breath when I reached the top. I was supposed to celebrate my birthday that night with friends, so I took another nap after we got settled. When I woke up, still exhausted, I almost called and cancelled.

I met up with my sister and my friends, ordered a large beer (as usual), and vowed to myself to try to have a good time, even though I was feeling off. I noticed as I drank, which had been happening the last few times I drank, that I felt strange. It’s hard to describe, but it was almost like it was hitting me really hard and fast. My head would feel a little woozy, and I would get hot. I would also start to feel the beginning of indigestion. Determined to enjoy my time, I pushed past the feeling and continued to try to press a smile on my face. My sister and friends knew I was not myself, and though I told them I didn’t feel well, they assumed I was upset at the friends who had not made it. I ended up leaving about 10:30, which was unlike me. I got home before my son.

The next day, I went out with a friend for a manicure and pedicure. It was the only thing I had the energy to do all day. My sister came over to check on me, and she checked my blood pressure with her machine. Everything looked fine. Still, I didn’t want to go out with her that night to meet up with my mom. (We really needed to work on planning my brother’s and sister-in-law’s wedding reception.) I assured her and my mom that I would go to Kaiser’s after hours tomorrow.

On Monday, it took me over an hour to get out of the house to go to Kaiser. I had to do things in increments, as I was too exhausted to do much at one time. I threw my mess of curls on my head, tossed on some shorts and a t-shirt, found my flip-flops, and dashed off, thinking I would shower later. I had no idea when I arrived at Kaiser that I would not be seeing my house for a very long time.

They started an IV after I was triaged, which I thought was a little odd. They put me in a room and began to run a myriad of tests…from Covid to a chest X-ray to Parvo. They took so many vials of blood. All the while, I was still exhausted and feeling that same hangover feeling. After many hours, the doctor came in. By that point, I was running a fever. The doctor said I had pneumonia, and they were going to start me on antibiotics. He also told me all my blood levels were severely depleted and I was going to need a blood transfusion. He told me I had to go to Emory St. Joseph Hospital, and I could go by ambulance or have someone take me. I called my mom to come take me to the hospital. I remember feeling scared and nervous, but still, I thought there was a simple explanation for all of this. Once they discovered what was wrong, I would be given medication and be on my way home…off to get back on the loop of my life. I had no idea when I left Kaiser that day that the loop was about to change into a very different loop.

Join me next time to learn about my experience in the hospital…all 39 days of it! Until then, I will be dancing with Luke!